You call yourself a dog owner? Really? With that dime store leash and hand me down collar? Obviously, you are the parent who forgets to pick up their child at soccer practice after school because there is a whole shitload of dogs out there laughing at your dog. Oh, how cute, your dog's a dog -- well, take a look across the street because that dog is a mother fuckin' captain. Wait, turn around, behind you -- that dog is a sassy cowboy. Your dog doesn't even own a visor. Do you know what they're saying about your dog? That he's a god damn pussy, and I don't mean a cat, I mean a dildo inserting vagina. That's what these fashion dogs think of your dog. In fact, these dogs are getting together at their Tribeca loft for hat parties and your dog is the topic of ridicule. These dogs go for weekends in Cape Cod and don't invite your dog. Son, these dogs are going Oscar Wilde on your dog's ass. They're using wordplay and simile like it's going out of style. These dogs look at your dog and wonder why there's a God that makes bad things happen to good dogs. These dogs wonder when your dog is gonna get off it's period, cause it looks like a bloody tampon. These dogs shit fashion gold. You wonder why your dog never gets invited anywhere? Take a look in the mirror, asshole.
The lesson here is: get your head out of your butt and buy your dog a hat. Best, Meg
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