'Ello Gov'nur!

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! Top 'o the mornin' to you. You may ask why I suddenly started writing like a fag, and I will tell you. Topshop is coming to NYC this Fall, bitches! In case you don't know, Topshop is a mix of Forever 21's whimsy, H&M's prices, and the Gap, like, 2 years ago. It's the greatest store ever. Just go to their website. They have British options for clothes. For example, there's a whole category for PLAYSUITS. What the fuck is a playsuit?! (Take a look at the photo on the left, that's a playsuit) They also give you the option of waistcoats. I'm in way over my head.

Topshop is from London and when I was studying abroad there after 9/11 and had no friends, I would spend afternoons trying on all the clothes, and then not buy anything. This was more fun than sitting on my bottom bunk crying into a stained cup of oolong tea, making collages out of postcards and found objects...which is what I did on weekdays. But, Meg, stop feeling sorry for yerself! Get to Topshop! Hey, thanks repressed multiple identity of a tough little girl who fights my battles!

The lesson is: who wants to be my friend? Best, Meg

What's Hot What's Not-Halloween Edition

I wanna talk costume trash...what are the skanks gonna pull this year, how gay will straight guys go in drag, what are the uber intellects gonna try and pull on us at parties....
Sexy American Indian...Ok...but when they call this costume "Pink Indian," my mind just goes to a place...I'm not comfortable with...
This isn't a halloween costume, this is a desperate call for help, because when you buy this in a large online you don't look like this, not even close, yeah you have breasts, and hips and legs and all that, but seriously, get up go over the mirror and try to imagine what those chains across your donut-ponch are really gonna look like, like a fucking brisket. Now go back and be realistic...
Jan: Carla, THAT'S Hilarious...you are TOO much...wait what ARE you...I get the spaghetti and meatballs, too cute...
Carla: I'm the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Jan: What's that?
Carla: It's my religion. I talk to you about it all the time in IM....you didn't catch that?
Jan: ha ha...right...it's a joke right?
Carla: No bitch, I'm a Pastafarian...fuck you, I'm out of here.
Poor Steve, he just doesn't get it year after year.



Joe totally gets it...come here you big lug, you don't have to hang out in the parking lot outside of Sears, get in the car, let's go home and fuck like soldiers back from Nam.


Ok, so I totally derailed, I didn't talk about what's hot or not for costumes, neither did I present any guys in drag, or "clever" costumes, I'm so exhausted right now....ugh and I have to do laundry!! Sunday's are weird........conk.....zzzzzzzzz


-Rylan

You are cordially invited...

...to Megan's Annual White Party! Dust off your white fedora, your white satin shirt, your white jeans...and be prepared to have the time of your life! Everyone who is everyone will be there. DJ Nasty Drawers is spinning that night, so you know you'll hear the finest in crunk and juice. I have been sworn to secrecy, but I hear that Elayne Boosler might even stop by to deliver some yucks! This rad pic was taken at last year's festivities. My Dad looks like he's having the time of his life! N'est pas?

Where else can you find the perfect mix of swizz and slurp? Ninety-percent of my guests got laid last year! That's like Carnivale in Reno (for you sports fans)! What else are you going to do? Read to your children in bed? Visit your cousin in the mental institution? Don't...she'll only throw her feces at you again. Come, come again to Megan's Annual White Party! Your spirit will be glad it did!

The lesson here is: RSVP soon, bitches! Best, meg

Failed Economy = Sick Azz Fashion!!!

There has never been a more perfect time for the economy to suck at whatever it does, 'cause now us kids finally have something to be pissed off about! (...wait, what war are you....talking about...?) And pissed off kids (I'm closer to 30 than 20 but you can shut up, thanks) with no money means one thing:


HOBO FASHION!

Torn pants, shoes with mismatched laces, hats for practical reasons: there is nothing more exhilarating than fashion that exists out of necessity - a true fash emerg.

So exciting!!! Let's hitchhike to San Francisco and start a revolution. I hear the art/party scene there is to-die-for. This recession is going to be superduperfabfab.

...do old people really sometimes eat cat food? That makes me so sad.

xo,
Lucia

GIVE ME 700 BILLION DOLLARS AND I'LL SOLVE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

-RYLAN IS UP IN ARMS

If you're not dressing '90s right now you're an asshole.

That's right, you heard me! If you're living in 2008 right now and you're dressing like it's anytime other than 1990-1999 (i'm kinda lying, shit got stale '97-'99) you're a big asshole and I've got a bone to pick with you.

You're not having enough fun!!! That's my bone. Or that's the picking. Or whatever. 

Look at those gorgeous young thangs above! Do you think any of them ever got in car accidents or got rejected from cornell?! NO! Haven't I taught you anything?! sigh.

Healthy fashion makes for healthy people with healthy lives.

Take note economy buffs!

xo, Lucia