Friday Night Lights

This is you right now: "What is going on? This is a blog about....snarky chicks snarking out with words & images, not TV and this dumdum show!"

And this is me right now: "get get get get get get getttt over it!"
Every single person in the show is hot (except for one dude who is still hotter than you probably) so whatevahhh! Watch it. Tim Riggins.
Bieeee!
xo,
Lucia

A Look At Christmas Toys: Nintendo - Littlest Pet Shop: Winter

Everyone knows that girls don't like video games. It's just not in their nature -- like fixing cars and voting. But, leave it to our besties at Nintendo to market a game for the gals! May I present, "The Little Pet Shop: Winter" (also available in Jungle and Garden). Finally, the video game manufacters see a market and fill it (that's what she said). Driving and shoot 'em up games are sooo boring! All girls know that. With this game, girls can collect pets, party with their pets, dress up their pets, and play with their pets in games such as "Nut Fest" and "Beats 'n Bops." I'm so glad that Nintendo realizes that little girls only want to accessorize and frolic in winter time pursuits. This is fun with a capital "PH"!

Girl power, for serious, ladies. Get your head out of your bloody vag and into a Nintendo DS! Best of all, that game system comes in metallic pink. Can I handle my shit right now? Obviously not. Make something pink, soft, and give it big eyes -- that's what girls like, right? Let's design some more games for girls. Yeah, let's think like Nintendo executives. My proposals:

1. Single Mommy Time

2. Blow Jobs Are The Only Way He'll Like Me Time

3. Put Pretty Things on Pretty People Time

4. Babies, Clothes, and Shit

5. Balloons!

The lesson here is: I wish I had a kitten...or a baby! Are you listening, Santa? Best, Meg

You Call This a F**kin' Craft Store?

Get your head out of your ass, Mom.

Best, Little Girl

Season's Greetings for the Handicapped in Your Household

My nephew Josh is handi-amazing. He can do anything any other 12-year-old can do -- that is, except use his legs. Which is why in this economic crisis, I am creatively making his Christmas gift with my own hands. Blappity, blap, he keeps complaining that he has to carry his daises and newspapers on his lap. Well, Joshinstein, worry no more! Look at this creative wheelchair accessory I am making you. You will be the coolest kid at the quiet school. And, don't worry Great Aunt Frigid, I'm making one for your walker, too!

Since I cannot pleasure myself, I love keeping my hands busy. So, for those of you who are wondering, hey, I can't afford these new alphabet games and war memorials -- just use your noggin' and get sloggin' on some homemade gifts! Just like the Dutch!

The lesson here is: You don't have to be in a wheelchair to appreciate this gift -- but, it helps. Best, Meg

Get Back to Work!

I don't pay you to be a kid.

Best, Meg

A Look At Christmas Toys: The Amazing McKayla Doll

You are all familiar with my dry uterus. And, if you're not, get used to it! I'm totally Howie Mandeling here -- joking. But when it comes to holiday toys I'm Nelson Mandeling here -- being serious. I've come across an amazing baby doll that I will surely be purchasing for my beautiful triplet nieces, Madison, Britthanie, and Frizzante. The description in the "for sale" section of Toys 'r Us' online store really got me:

"Amazing McKayla is so much fun! She is a very smart doll and knows when she's embraced. McKayla has 7 distinct cries! She cries when she wants a hug, needs to be changed, wants to play, needs to be burped, is tired, is sick, or feels hungry."

Can you mother f'in believe it?! A doll that knows when she is embraced. I wish that my ex-husband Gerard had that ability. Because he was a Grade F minus embracer. And, if you've read my other blog you know that I am a strong supporter of girls in the home. Let them learn the difference between cries now. Once they identify the proper cries, they can mask their own! This is a case of babies teaching babies. Boy, I wish they had this when I was a little girl. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone right now. Oops, my egg timer is going off. Time to take that ham out of the oven and then throw it away. Love boats!

The lesson here is: Buy your little one a product with individual crying action! Best, Meg