Show Your Love

I fucking love my family, y'all. I love it so much that we constantly have to dress like each other. I see these other jerk families walking around and not wearing matching outfits. You know what I think of them? Fucking communists. Call up the McCarthy commission cause a big fat boat of Reds just moved into the neighborhood. When my son Wrigley and I go to the beach, we like to pull out the tie dye. Just a fact. Maybe we'll start up a game of beach volleyball and talk about his dad's new girlfriend or whatever. Because, the whole beach can see what a close family of two we are. We don't need a dad. Right, Wrigley? I mean, who would want a dad who thinks it's "OK" to screw the girl (who just sold him Meineke brake pads) in the back of our Subaru Outback -- which we haven't finished paying off, by the by. A dad who thinks it's "just fine" to get hooked on meth and sell your tin toy collection, which was left to you by your grandfather before he died in that plane crash off the coast of East Moriches? A dad who thinks it's "no big deal" to push over tombstones in the Jewish cemetery. Wrigley, why do you keep bringing up your father when we are having the goddamn time of our lives, just chilling on the mother fucking beach in our shit rad matching tie dye?! Why, Wrigley?

The lesson here is: shop at Matcheez -- where great families dress alike! Best, Meg